10th Step PRINCIPLE: Perseverance

Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

Alcoholics understand defeat.  At least this one does.  

The problem with admitting defeat when one is an alcoholic is that this admission may lead the alcoholic to blame somebody else for his or her problems and/or to resort to self-pity.  The person who chooses blame and self-pity may not stay sober for long.  

Accepting that one is an alcoholic is a beginning to a life of sobriety.  Accepting responsibility for one's actions, regardless of who set the conflicts over which one obsesses in motion, builds momentum and continuing to practice acceptance in all one's affairs maintains the good life that emerges by virtue of working the steps.

Restart, repeat.

Within the steps, there is repetition, and of course, after completing step twelve, one returns to step one again.  Step ten repeats steps four through nine on a regular, and ideally, daily, basis.  When anger, fear and ill-will are addressed promptly, the destruction that follows in their wake is limited.

For me, I have become familiar enough with some of the destructive impulses in my thoughts and actions that I am able to identify and to address them before they wreak havoc on my life or the lives of others.

Even when these strong and strange thoughts and feelings sneak up on me and I give into them, or when I discover a new destructive, or self-destructive, pattern, that I had not noticed before, then I know what to do.  I center myself in the God of my understanding.  I question where these thoughts and feelings come from.  I acknowledge inappropriate behavior, and I strive to make it right with whomever I have harmed as soon as possible.

Step ten, like step one, has to be practiced every day.  If I drink, then I reset the illness that led me into the program.  If I stop taking inventory, then my thoughts and feelings, slowly but surely, become as twisted as they were when I came into the program.

I consider steps four through nine as the first bath after almost being buried alive, and I think of step ten as the daily shower that keeps one healthy, clean and attractive while reminding the alcoholic of the grave that one was digging for one's self when drinking.    

Life does not stop.

One's quality of life improves in AA, and the tenth step is one of the biggest reasons why.  To think that the quality of one's life will improve every day, however, is an unreasonable expectation (and, as is often said in meetings, expectations are resentments waiting to happen). 

Quality of life improves over time, as does the quality of one's problems.  For example, I have not been arrested for DUI, been in jail or paid an attorney or court since I have been in AA.

However, life does not stop when one stops drinking.  Excitements come, and disappointments go, and yet by staying centered in the program, I am less likely to spiral into pride or despair, both of which contributed to my drinking.        

Persevere.

The first 90 days in AA felt like boot camp to me.  I was humiliated and terrified.  I committed to attending 90 meetings in 90 days and was feeling drab physically.  I was eating ice cream by the half gallon in an effort to replace the sugar that alcohol once provided me.

At the end of 90 days, I felt that I had accomplished something and was grateful when my sponsor suggested that I cut back to five meetings per week.  After missing a meeting, however, my equilibrium seemed to be off, and I actually ended up attending more meetings than were suggested of me for a while.

What worked for me works for me.  At the end of 90 days, there is another 90 days, and if any of us are to achieve the next 90 days, then we must take care of business today, which is when the tenth step is to be practiced.

Former British Prime Minister Winston Churchill once said, "If you are going through hell, keep going."  My drinking life serves as an illustration of this point, and yet in my sober life, I am finding that the opposite also is true.