6th Step PRINCIPLE: Willingness

Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

One of the questions that beginners are asked repeatedly in the AA groups in which I am active is, "Are you willing to go to any lengths to achieve sobriety?"

I ask this question of people whom I sponsor, too.  I also ask a follow-up question, "Why are you willing to go to any lengths?"

For the first 90 days, and probably more, I was motivated by fear.  I was afraid to drink, because I did not want to suffer any further consequences of alcohol abuse, and I was afraid not to drink, because I was not sure how to face the mounting consequences of my drinking without alcohol.  

Motivations change.  

Anything that helps a person to survive the first days of sobriety without hurting one's self or another person is probably a good thing, but somewhere along the way, one has to stop being motivated by something that produces anxiety, like fear, and to start being motivated by something life-giving, like hope.

One problem to consider is that alcoholics often forget about the horrible consequences of our drinking or convince ourselves that somehow it will be different next time.  If I had not come to believe that life would improve by staying sober, then I probably would be drinking again by now.  I am not suggesting that life gets better every day---it does not---but that one's ability cope with, and respond to, difficult circumstances improves with one's commitment to the program.

Now I am willing to go to any lengths so that I may enjoy the freedom that AA promises and provides, and this experience of sobriety is even better than when I was willing to go to any lengths simply because I was afraid.

Don't drink before you think.

Motivations change.  So do thought patterns.  For me, motivations changed first, and this change was more instinctual, or spiritual, than intellectual.  

Alcoholism had burned me deeply enough that I was not looking to go near that flame for a while, and while I was not drinking, the program began to work its magic in my life.

Sometimes when meetings go off-topic, or become too philosophical, someone will help the group to focus by asking, "What does this have to do with not drinking?"  Good question!  

This question is one that the person, who is not thirsty at a particular meeting, may forget to ask, and if one goes a while without asking this question, then he or she may end up at a bar.  I have heard plenty of relapse stories that begin with men and women spending too much time in their minds rather than taking the actions that lead to a better quality of life.

AA, first and foremost, is about not drinking.  Take that action first, and then take it again and again, and your focus will change for the better.   

Be clear about your defects of characters.

The willingness required in the beginning of the program is required when taking the sixth step.  I think that it is important for those of us in AA to sit with steps four and five before taking the sixth step.  

Sitting with the inventory and with the conservations with a person one trusts that follow is, in my opinion, how one becomes entirely ready to God remove the defects of character that were, and perhaps, to some extent, still are, mixed up with one's anger, resentments, fear and toxic relationships.

The prayer with which step six concludes is about letting go, which was not one of my strengths when I came into the program, and, in truth, is a strength to which I aspire often, even now.

Trust the God who challenges you.

Remember when you pray the prayer, which follows this step, that you are praying to the God of your understanding, the God who breathes life into your program.  

Be as honest as possible, and trust this God to heal and to forgive.  Remember that you are a sick person, not a bad person, and that the changes for which you are asking will take time and that you will be asked to participate in the process.

Be sure that the God of your understand is different enough from you to hold you accountable for future actions and forgiving enough to help you stay sober should the patterns that you are asking God to change repeat themselves.

After praying this prayer, you may feel lighter, but remember you will still be an alcoholic whose life is only beginning to change.  This change will be challenging, but it also will be worth it, and after you travel the road of happy destiny for a while, you will look back at the lengths to which you have gone and give thanks, because it will have been worth the effort.