7th Step PRINCIPLE: Humility

Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

American author Ernest Hemingway says, “There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self.”

Hemingway was an alcoholic, who committed suicide in 1961.  He struggled with depression and with drinking to excess, which, in my experience, may go hand-in-hand.

Alcohol is a depressant (I am surprised how many men and women who are in AA do not know this fact when they arrive).  I do not know which comes first: alcoholism or depression.  By the time that a person suffers enough to step into that first meeting, it does not matter.

Admitting that one has a problem takes time.  So does arriving at a place in which one is willing to change and to be changed.


Now that one is entirely ready...
Step six prepares the way for step seven.  While I am not sure if anyone is ever entirely ready to have God remove one's defects of character, I do think that one comes to a place in one's sobriety in which one has to decide whether to open one's self to the future or to be haunted by the past.

For the clinically depressed person, opening one's self to the future is easier said than done, and yet for those who ask for help, especially those who ask for professional support, there is hope.

Knowing one's self and the God of one's understanding helps one to understand his or her place in the universe.  By this point in the steps, one usually has enough experience, strength and hope to know that the God of his or her understanding, who is more powerful than alcohol, is more powerful than his or her shortcomings.  


Ask.
Why would any of us be reluctant to ask God to remove our shortcomings?  Because many of us are naturally fearful.  We would rather be afraid than free, because fear is all that we know.

Fear of drinking again kept me sober for a while, but fear of drinking again is not enough when I bulge with self-pity or pride.

For me, it is helpful, when taking this step, to think about the alternatives to the shortcomings that I am asking God to remove, because when the shortcomings are removed, something has to be planted, watered and nurtured in place of them.  For example, I pray that I will be more fulfilled than self-pitying and more humble than proud.


Welcome balance.
Humility, in my experience of the program, is that the heart of AA.  Without an ounce of humility, one is incapable of taking the first step, much less the next six.

Hemingway's quotation applies here: humility is about striving to be superior to one's former self not to any other human being.  My former self (and sometimes current self), my drunk self, is self-pitying and proud.

When I am pumped up with pride, I think of myself more highly than I ought to think.  When I am caught in a web of self-pity, I look for someone other than the God of my understanding to lift me out of despair.

Since I have been in AA, I am becoming more balanced, because I am beginning to understand, practice and remember that the highs are not as high as they seem initially; neither are the lows.

I am better able to place life in perspective, because I am less likely to exaggerate the significance of any given day.  If I stay sober through whatever problems that I face today, then I will have a chance at being happier, more joyous and freer tomorrow.

6th Step PRINCIPLE: Willingness

Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

One of the questions that beginners are asked repeatedly in the AA groups in which I am active is, "Are you willing to go to any lengths to achieve sobriety?"

I ask this question of people whom I sponsor, too.  I also ask a follow-up question, "Why are you willing to go to any lengths?"

For the first 90 days, and probably more, I was motivated by fear.  I was afraid to drink, because I did not want to suffer any further consequences of alcohol abuse, and I was afraid not to drink, because I was not sure how to face the mounting consequences of my drinking without alcohol.  

Motivations change.  

Anything that helps a person to survive the first days of sobriety without hurting one's self or another person is probably a good thing, but somewhere along the way, one has to stop being motivated by something that produces anxiety, like fear, and to start being motivated by something life-giving, like hope.

One problem to consider is that alcoholics often forget about the horrible consequences of our drinking or convince ourselves that somehow it will be different next time.  If I had not come to believe that life would improve by staying sober, then I probably would be drinking again by now.  I am not suggesting that life gets better every day---it does not---but that one's ability cope with, and respond to, difficult circumstances improves with one's commitment to the program.

Now I am willing to go to any lengths so that I may enjoy the freedom that AA promises and provides, and this experience of sobriety is even better than when I was willing to go to any lengths simply because I was afraid.

Don't drink before you think.

Motivations change.  So do thought patterns.  For me, motivations changed first, and this change was more instinctual, or spiritual, than intellectual.  

Alcoholism had burned me deeply enough that I was not looking to go near that flame for a while, and while I was not drinking, the program began to work its magic in my life.

Sometimes when meetings go off-topic, or become too philosophical, someone will help the group to focus by asking, "What does this have to do with not drinking?"  Good question!  

This question is one that the person, who is not thirsty at a particular meeting, may forget to ask, and if one goes a while without asking this question, then he or she may end up at a bar.  I have heard plenty of relapse stories that begin with men and women spending too much time in their minds rather than taking the actions that lead to a better quality of life.

AA, first and foremost, is about not drinking.  Take that action first, and then take it again and again, and your focus will change for the better.   

Be clear about your defects of characters.

The willingness required in the beginning of the program is required when taking the sixth step.  I think that it is important for those of us in AA to sit with steps four and five before taking the sixth step.  

Sitting with the inventory and with the conservations with a person one trusts that follow is, in my opinion, how one becomes entirely ready to God remove the defects of character that were, and perhaps, to some extent, still are, mixed up with one's anger, resentments, fear and toxic relationships.

The prayer with which step six concludes is about letting go, which was not one of my strengths when I came into the program, and, in truth, is a strength to which I aspire often, even now.

Trust the God who challenges you.

Remember when you pray the prayer, which follows this step, that you are praying to the God of your understanding, the God who breathes life into your program.  

Be as honest as possible, and trust this God to heal and to forgive.  Remember that you are a sick person, not a bad person, and that the changes for which you are asking will take time and that you will be asked to participate in the process.

Be sure that the God of your understand is different enough from you to hold you accountable for future actions and forgiving enough to help you stay sober should the patterns that you are asking God to change repeat themselves.

After praying this prayer, you may feel lighter, but remember you will still be an alcoholic whose life is only beginning to change.  This change will be challenging, but it also will be worth it, and after you travel the road of happy destiny for a while, you will look back at the lengths to which you have gone and give thanks, because it will have been worth the effort.

INTRO: Sixth Step

One of the first places that I found myself clearly described in The Big Book was in the phrase "restless, irritable and discontent".  I was never satisfied with anyone or anything.  I liked having options.  I thrashed around in search of a better job, a better relationship and a better city.  Of course, it is impossible to know what "better" is when one is unsure of who one is, where one is going or what he or she really wants.  I lacked direction but was highly motivated to chase whatever opportunity presented itself with reckless abandon, because I did not do anything in moderation.  When I came into AA, drinking was not my only problem.

Steps four and five helped me to understand why I did what I did and felt what I felt.  I suffered because of what I did to myself and to others.  I noticed patterns of destructive and self-destructive behaviors that were often fueled by pride, on the one hand, and self-pity, on the other hand.  I specialized in self-sabotage.  Until I was willing to change and be changed, I would not have a chance at being satisfied with who I am, where I am or what I am doing.      

The sixth step calls for two disciplines with which I did not have much experience when I came into the program: focus and patience.  This step requires a person to be "entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character."  I do not know that I ever considered myself entirely ready to do anything, especially something that would eliminate one or more of the many options that I cherished.  I worried that giving up dishonesty would adversely affect my ability to survive, and maybe thrive, professionally and personally, even though I knew that dishonesty contributed to the past that I was only beginning to remember without grimacing.  Giving up wicked emotions and the irrational behavior that accompanied them was difficult enough without submitting to someone's timeline, namely God's, but in the end, I determined that God's plan may be better mine.

Being entirely ready and actually taking the next step are distinct actions.  Both require patience.  Sometimes I sense a big difference in my thoughts and feelings immediately after taking a step.  Often the changes take time.  As I accumulate years in the program, I gain a deeper and deeper appreciation of the value of time.  Life is not about rushing somewhere; it is definitely not about rushing nowhere.  Life is to be savored soberly, according to the rhythm of God's life, not mine.  Of this truth, I cannot be reminded enough.